Updated Corporate Communications Policies

The following have been approved for use by all employees, vendors, and clients of Teej Consulting, Inc.

• Lack of planning on your part does not constitute a crisis on mine
• Sorry, the last train to Giveashit left 10 minutes ago
• No, this bus runs express - it doesn't stop at Giveashit
• Which part of "Do your fucking job!" were you having trouble with?
• Which part of what I said led you to the erroneous conclusion that I give a shit?
• I can draw you a map, but I still think you're going to have trouble finding your ass with both hands and a flashlight
• I'm not here to be liked. Like leads to love, love leads to fucking, and nobody fucks with me.
• You would be out of your depth in a puddle.
• You suffer from delusions of adequacy.
• Let's have a clear division of labour here - I'll bend over, you pucker up.
• What time is it? It's motherfuckingMOVE time!
• [On phone] It's a shame you can't see my face. If you could, you'd see that nowhere on it do the words "I give a shit" appear.
• [To senior personnel] Tell me - can you read? You can? Super - now read me what it says on your business card. Managing Director? So why don't you fuck off out of my life and go manage and direct some shit instead of expecting the rest of us to do it for you?
• [Comment] I don't want to disappoint you, but... [Response] Don't lie to me. I believe that you lie awake at night thinking of new and improved ways to disappoint me. It is the only logical conclusion that I can draw from your behaviour.