http://www.1010wins.com/Turns-Out-Fat-Cat--Princess-Chunk--Is-a-He/2702482
And he's pretty chunky...
How, exactly, do you lose a 44lb housecat? Do you wake up in the morning and notice that your flatbed truck has disappeared from the driveway and your fridge is missing?
"What I think of wensdaes, an behbehbloogahs too, so there!"
Beaver blight is a warning to UK.
"Beaver blight" - hurr hurr hurr.
Is it possible I never grew up?
]]>This has been sitting on my desktop for ages, figured it was time to get rid of it.
The Instructions: Bold and underline the ones you've done.
The Actions:
Bought everyone in the pub a drink (it was very late, the pub was almost empty, I was very drunk, and I still don’t know how it slipped past the Accounts Payable people…it went on the corporate card)
Swam with wild dolphins
Climbed a mountain (lots of them – not major league mountains, though)
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula (ittybittyfuffypiderkins!)
Taken a candlelit bath with someone (WAY overrated – someone has to sit at the faucet end and it’s uncomfortable, the water gets cold too fast, and unless you’re in a bath that used to serve as a cement-mixing trough there’s no space to do anything.)
Said "I love you" and meant it (sigh)
Hugged a tree (oh please!)
Done a striptease (again, very drunk)
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris (something tells me this quiz is American-centric)
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise (again, very drunk)
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby's diaper (are you kidding me with this?)
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower (I’ve watched lots of people shower, but never a meteor. Where are they from?)
Gotten drunk on champagne (um…yeah)
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (my cousin’s wedding, “if anyone knows of any let or hindrance why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony,” my sister pulled a funny face at me and I corpsed)
Had a food fight (the joy of English boarding schools)
Bet on a winning horse (fat bloody chance. I just have to think about betting on a horse and it loses a leg, puts on 500lb, and decides that falling at the first fence is a good move. Equine bastards)
Taken a sick day when you're not ill (hey, I was sick! Sick of work, I mean…)
Asked out a stranger (again, very drunk. I even got her number, but I never called)
Had a snowball fight (yay!)
Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier (not ever)
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (I’m ashamed to admit that the screaming involved some pretty choice language)
Held a lamb (does it count if the lamb in question was roasted?)
Enacted a favorite fantasy
Taken a midnight skinny dip (I don’t know for sure it was midnight. It was pretty late. I may have been drunk)
Taken an ice cold bath
Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster (I loathe them, but I had to ride the Cyclone at Coney Island just to say I’d done it)
Hit a home run
Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (poss. drunk. I’m noticing a pattern here)
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (I grew up in the birthplace of my ancestors, so default)
Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (all the time)
Had two hard drives for your computer (4. I know, I’m an organizing geek)
Visited all 50 states
Loved your job for all accounts (why do it if you don’t love it?)
Taken care of someone who was shit-faced (it’s a reciprocal thing)
Had enough money to be truly satisfied (you can never be too rich or too thin)
Had amazing friends (no question – the amazing thing is that they’re my friends even when they get to know me)
Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign (um…very drunk?)
Backpacked in Europe (I knew this thing was American-centric!)
Taken a road-trip
Rock climbing
Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice (yes, but I’m not telling you whose government)
Midnight walk on the beach (after skinny dipping)
Sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
Visited Japan
Benchpressed your own weight
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your records (and discovered in the process that I own altogether too much Hawkwind)
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke (surprisingly, I don’t have to be drunk to do this)
Lounged around in bed all day (does it count if you weren’t alone?)
Posed nude in front of strangers (v.drunk)
Scuba diving
Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
Kissed in the rain (after the striptease mentioned previously)
Played in the mud (rugby)
Played in the rain (rugby)
Gone to a drive-in theater (just once)
Done something you should regret, but don't regret it (er…can I call drunk on this one?)
Visited the Great Wall of China
Learned that someone who's not supposed to know about your blog has found it
Dropped Windows in favor of something better
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Sword fought for the honor of a woman
Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Loved someone you shouldn't have (alas)
Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy (I think so)
Gotten divorced
Had sex at the office (not telling you which job, though)
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch (of course! Chocolate chocolate chip with…er…added THC)
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on (does this make me a perve?)
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news programs as an "expert"
Got flowers for no reason
Masturbated (someone else) in a public place (jesus, now you really don’t want to meet me!)
Got so drunk you don’t remember anything (possibly – I don’t remember)
Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
Performed on stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded music
Eaten shark (Iceland, rotting shark. Very very nasty)
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Seen Siouxsie live
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone (you mean, aside from rush-hour on the subway?)
Buried one/both of your parents
Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off (I’m not doing the wax thing again. Ouchie)
Been on a cruise ship (7 days on a ship with the kind of people that go on cruises? With no escape? And limitless body-disposal opportunities on all sides? Yeah, that’s a really good idea…)
Spoken more than one language fluently
Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
Bounced a check (not deliberately)
Performed in Rocky Horror
Read - and understood - your credit report
Raised children
Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Created and named your own constellation of stars
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country (don’t know if it counts as exotic, 9-day trip in Northern France where it rained every single bloody day and I grew barnacles on my ass)
Found out something significant that your ancestors did
Called or written your Congress person (fortunately I don’t have a congressperson, just people I have congress with, but I did once share a Tube carriage with “Red Ken” Livingston, former mayor of London and my local MP)
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
...more than once?
Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
Had an abortion or your female partner did (wow, this really is warts-and-all!)
Had plastic surgery (I would have, but the night before my procedure the plastic surgeon fell asleep in front of the fire and he melted.)
Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived (define “accident”)
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 pounds
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone’s heart (sorry)
Helped an animal give birth
Been fired or laid off from a job (on neither occasion was it for being drunk, though)
Won money on a T.V. game show
Broken a bone (rugby)
Killed a human being (yeah, like I’m going to answer this one before the statute of limitations expires!)
Gone on an African photo safari
Ridden a motorcycle
Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse (hate horses, but my parents were convinced that pony trekking was a good idea)
Had major surgery (define “major”)
Had sex on a moving train (the G line on the NYC subway will always have special memories for me. I may have been drunk)
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (one of these days...)
Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states (I think so)
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten kangaroo meat
Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
Been a sperm or egg donor
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the newspaper (but I’m not telling you why)
Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
Gotten someone fired for their actions
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Changed your name
Petted a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read The Iliad
Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
Dined in a restaurant and stolen something because your apartment needed it (there is a shortage of ashtrays in restaurants across London because I needed them)
…and gotten 86’ed because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Killed and prepared an animal for eating (do fish count?)
Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
Skipped all your school reunions (“I killed the president of Paruguay with a fork... how've you been?”)
Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (drink enough and you don’t need words)
Been elected to public office (be honest, now - based on the previous answers, do you really think this is likely? The only office for which I am remotely qualified is Lord High Executioner, and you get appointed to that, not elected)
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
Had to put someone you love into hospice care
Built your own PC from parts (and it works, too!)
Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
Had a booth at a street fair
Dyed your hair (I used to dye it black – it looked crap, I thought it looked great)
Been a DJ
Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
Written your own role playing game (I’ve starred in my own role-playing game – does that count?)
Been arrested (not for anything major, I swear. Speed limits are only for guidance, and if the Republican Party hadn’t wanted to see my bottom they should never have had their convention in my town)
Just reading this article in a British newspaper today. Damn but my sides hurt from laughing. One my way to work I passed the Apple store on 59th & 5th - I've not seen so many pale spotty nerdy types since the Dungeon Roamers (D&D types) moved into adjacent office space to us. Next time there's a launch I'm going to get Nokia to sponsor me to stand out there with a megaphone and a script: "May I have your attention, please. That's right, nerdy - I'm talking to you. I represent the Nokia company of Finland, and we'd like to share a piece of information with you that you apparently are not aware of: we've been making 3G phones for simply ages, and have a much larger selection that Apple. Not only that, you can unlock our phones really easily, and we won't insist that you subscribe to AT&T's piece-of-shit network. You can use *anyone's* network, anywhere in the world. You don't even have to queue up to buy them - no, really: you can walk right into any shop and simply buy one off the shelf! Imagine that, folks - right here, right now, in this, the United States of America, land of the free, home of the brave, you can simply buy a product without having to line up for days for it! Now, we're not saying that Apple wants to see our beautiful country turned into a 21st century vision of Russia circa 1950, but making you queue up for products sounds just a little bit communist to us. And we know a thing or two about that – bear in mind that we lived next door to them for 50 years. Oh, I know – you want a white phone. Really, that’s ok – look, I’ll make you a deal – come with me now and buy one of our fabulous quad-band world phones with every bell & whistle you could want, and we’ll throw in a white faceplate for free! Let freedom ring, people!”